Of vampires, sociopaths and indecent proposals (English)
by imlittleredbird
Summary: Bonkai and Bamon friendship. Bonnie, Kai and Damon go on a road trip to find a mystic relic. Translated from Italian. (Edited!)
1. Chapter 1

**Here we go, guys! A HUGE THANK YOU to leianaberrie from Tumblr that had edited the story!**

**To everyone who's asking for more chapters of this fic, I'm sorry but this was a one shot! But don't worry, I'll try to translate all my fics (that are a lot)!**

"The three of us, together again. Isn't it awesome?"

Kai's head popped between the front seats of Alaric's car, the enormous smile that characterized him on his face. "You missed this too, didn't you? Sometimes the chaos in that damn house drives me out of my mind," he insisted unfazed by Bonnie and Damon's silence. "All those people talking about relationships and feelings! Sometimes I think I could suffocate Caroline with her own stupid blonde hair – am I right? If I were blocked with her in my prison world for four months I would have got completely mad."

"You _are_ completely mad," Damon reminded him.

"Behave yourself, Damon," Bonnie said, scolding.

The vampire gave her an incredulous look and then looked back to the street. "Seriously? I'm not the psychopath here."

Bonnie raised her eyebrows for a second, showing she doubted that. Damon snorted.

"Remind me why we have to take him with us?"

"Because I can't do a spell like that on my own."

"Couldn't you ask Liv or Jo?"

"No, Damon," she answered impatiently. "He's the most powerful and he knows the spell."

The vampire fell silent.

"You see, Damon," Kai said, turning towards Damon's ear, "it seems like _you _are the third wheel. If you want you can go back home. Bonnie and I will be just fine. Actually, it wouldn't be our first trip alone," he concluded, winking at her.

Bonnie shook her head. She wasn't a companion on a road trip with a vampire and a powerful witch – she was a babysitter. "_You see, Kai,_" answered Damon mocking him, "I'm here to make sure you keep your hands at their place. And if they are near Bonnie any more than necessary I'm gonna cut them off."

Kai laughed loud.

"Oh, Damon. You're always so protective towards your best friend. I wonder if Miss Mystic Falls is a bit jealous. In fact she didn't seem too happy about our solitary mission."

Neither Bonnie or Damon answered at that sideswipe. They were used to Kai's insinuations. In his sociopath's head, they had had a love affair at Elena's back.

"If you want, you can put your hand on Bonnie's leg. I promise Elena won't know from me," Kai swore, laying a hand on his heart.

"What sound would you think your head will make if I smashed it right now?" Damon asked rhetorically.

"Uhm, not a nice one," Kai answered. "Something like _'splaf'. _At least, that is the sound it makes against cement."

Damon silenced and Bonnie's eyebrows furrowed. "You seem really sure," she said.

Kai laughed again. He was revved up. "I found it out the day I tried to kill myself by throwing myself from the roof of my house," he explained, still laughing.

Bonnie looked at him compassionately.

"When I woke up I couldn't think about anything else. I kept hearing that awful sound – _splaf, splaf, splaf _– and for a long time, I thought my skull didn't heal completely. I had the sensation that my brain hitting against my scalp every time I moved my –"

"That's enough!" Damon interrupted him, looking at him in the driving mirror. "You're spoiling my fun."

Bonnie looked out of her window. Finally there was silent. The shrubbery at the edges of the street flowed rapid in front of her eyes and it allowed her to lose track of time and space. She closed her eyes.

When she opened them, Kai's face was really close to hers, almost as if he was trying to read her thoughts. When he was so quiet she could have looked at him with tenderness, in those times, she saw the little boy whose family never loved him before he became that frightening of him. The boy that was called an _abomination_ by the same people that gave him life was the only one who really understood how she felt, all her fears in living her old life. He was the only one that had lived them with her.

She smiled to him, knowing he would have followed her thoughts. Kai's thick eyebrows lowered in a quiet expression.

"After your friends are done using us, we could go on a vacation. What do you think?" He asked, winking.

Then he got like this and she'd gladly hit him.

Bonnie shook her head. "I don't know about you, but I can't afford a vacation."

"Yeah" Kai agreed. "We're not vampires, we can't compel innocent people." He considered their possibilities then piped up with renewed enthusiasm. "But we can threaten them of death!"

"Don't be creepy, Kai."

"Wait, wait" Damon interrupted them. "You would go with him after all he put you through?" he asked, with disbelief and horror.

"We had nice moments too!" Kai objected.

"You put me through a lot too, Damon. And here I am, Bonnie Bennett, surrounded by people who tried to kill me more then once," she commented harshly. "Story of my life."

"Hey! I tried to kill you _once,_" Damon objected. "And – technically – that was Emily."

"Fascinating!" Kai interfered. "Is this how you met?"

"No" Bonnie answered. "The first time he saw me he _just_ threatened me."

"Ah, ah, ah! You really can't tell tales, Bon Bon. That time I told you I wanted to _protect _you."

"What a romantic!" Kai sighed.

"You haven't done a good job of that, have you?" Bonnie said to Damon.

"We weren't friends yet!"

"So, you had a hate-love relationship?"

"Shut up, Kai!" they both shouted.

"Sometimes you two sound like my parents," he continued undaunted. "The only difference is that Bonnie is hot when she gets mad."

The trip lasted an eternity.

* * *

Even thought the weather was much better those days, the cave was icy. Bonnie wrapped her arms around her body, shivering.

"Do you want my jacket?" With his hands on his hips, Kai had approached her noiselessly. Damon was right behind him.

"You always wear just a t-shirt, you'd freeze. And if you freeze we can't do the spell."

Damon put his jacket on her shoulders.

"Thank you" she whispered. Then, noticing Kai's annoyed expression, she added: "He doesn't feel the cold."

Kai looked irritated at the vampire. Damon smiled back, quizzically.

Bonnie wondered when they would stop acting like they were her suitors, because she was pretty sure that none of them actually thought of her like that.

She walked away to touch the bare rock around them and felt the magic flowing in it.

"We should prepare the candles."

Damon brought the bag with everything they needed for the spell and helped Bonnie and Kai set things up. They placed the candles in a semicircle against the wall of rock.

Bonnie stepped into the semicircle and invited Kai to follow her.

Damon watched them as they lit the candles with a spell. Their shadows projected against the wall behind them and they turned to face each other.

"The spell requires an intimate touch to channel the energy," Kai murmured.

"I can hear you, pervert," Damon said sourly.

Kai smiled. "I know."

"Just take my hands" Bonnie said. She rested her palms on Kai's and felt her magic looking for his.

Kai closed his eyes and sighed. "This feels so _right,_" he whispered.

Bonnie shook her shoulders to shake off the shiver of pleasure she felt. "Let's get started," she whispered closing her eyes.

"_Phesmathos aberto_" they both said. "_Phesmathos escotilla…_"

Damon tried to follow the ritual but the apparently disconnected words they whispered confused him. He focused his attention on their shadows, dancing together against the rock while the fire raised from the candles.

They recited the spell for some minutes but nothing happened. The wall behind which were the relic they had to get was as still as before.

"I told you" Kai said. "We need an intimate touch."

Bonnie snort and Damon smiled that she was pissed by the proposal. Soon after, however, she put Kai's hands on her hips and her hands at his neck. They took a step to get closer so the tips of their shoes touched.

"What's going on?" Damon asked. That situation embarrassed him. If Kai would have tried to touch Bonnie more than necessary he couldn't pass the fire circle to knock him out.

"It's all right" Bonnie reassured him. "We try again."

Damon folded his arms across his chest, waiting.

Bonnie and Kai's eyes closed again and their mouth started moving again as they repeated the spell.

The air was charged with magic but, again, the cave didn't change.

"You're not even trying, Kai." Bonnie's whisper interrupted their spell.

"I can't when you're so close" he answered, his voice sounded tortured.

Before Damon could register what was happening, Kai's lips were against Bonnie's.

"Hey!" Damon shouted, but Kai pulled Bonnie closer.

Damon took a step forward, but the fire was so high he couldn't pass it.

"Take your hands off of her!" he shouted against the wall of fire. "When you come out of there…" the threat died on his lips because the rock wall – behind Bonnie and Kai's bodies, wrapped so tightly together that they were one shadow, not two –_was _changing. He could hear loud _cracks_ in the rock and next he could see the wall behind the witches opening like the automatic door of a supermarket, inviting them in with an icy breeze.

Bonnie pulled away from Kai with the indulgent smile Damon thought she reserved just for him.

"You ready?" Damon asked, shoving between them to definitely split them.

* * *

When they'd found the relic needed to save Elena and Mystic Falls ('_you don't say!'_ as Kai couldn't resist to point out) they were on that way back. Bonnie was afraid that the return trip was going to be worse than the first.

Kai, seated in the back seats, was radiant. "Now you see why she didn't ask any of my sisters?" he asked to Damon. "Though I'm sure you would've enjoyed the show."

Damon rolled his eyes. "Don't be full of yourself, Casanova. If it weren't for the spell she would've never let you kiss her. Not even in her worse nightmares."

"You know I'm right here, right?" Bonnie asked rhetorically.

"Oh, sure," Kai told Damon, completely ignoring her. "As if her biggest dream is to kiss _you_. It's not very nice being bitten while you're kissing someone."

Damon smiled his _latin lover _smile. "It is, if you're kissing a centenary vampire with amazing seductive skills."

"If you're the Rocco Siffredi of vampires, why Bonnie didn't fall for you in four months you were literally the only man on Earth?"

"I wasn't trying to seduce her!"

"Yeah, sure, you were too busy thinking of your girlfriend that had literally deleted you from her mind."

"Stop it, _now,_" Bonnie interrupted them. "You're acting like children. I'm not interested in any of you and none of you is interested to me. So _stop it!_"

"I _am _interested to you," Kai said, touching her shoulder.

"Weren't you a sociopath?"

"Yeah, I was. But even if I don't have emotions, I _had_ a dick!"

"Kai!" they admonished him.

"You're a jerk" Bonnie added. She wasn't sure if she should have been disgusted or flattered.

Kai fell back on his seat. "You act like you and your friends are sophisticated but in your group everybody has been with everybody – except you two, 'cause obviously Damon is blind."

No one answered, so he kept going. "And probably deaf, going by Elena's insufferable voice."

Despite herself, Bonnie smiled. It wasn't everyday that a boy didn't fall for Elena.

"Stop talking about my girlfriend or I'll rip out your dick," Damon said threateningly.

Bonnie had no idea how she was going to survive four more hours of this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for all your support guys! I'm happy to see that you like my works and soon a lovely Bonkai shipper will beta this mess and you'll have a more comprehensible story ^_^**

**Enjoy this last part, edited by leianaberrie!**

* * *

By the time they got back to Mystic Falls, Bonnie was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. She left Damon to answer to all the gang's questions while she collapsed into the chair in front of the fireplace in the Salvatore house.

From the dining room she could hear her friend's voices, interrupted by Caroline's squeals threatening to decapitate Kai.

Bonnie smiled. She still liked the calm, despite all the time she spent alone in 1994 and knowing they were all there in the other room heartened her. She closed her eyes, watching the red light of the fire through her eyelids.

When she heard the steps on the carpet, she murmured a spell to make the intruder stumble.

He whispered "_Holy shit_" when he hit the floor.

Bonnie opened her eyes and looked at Kai, who sat on the floor smiling.

"What's up?" he asked.

"You're still here?" Bonnie asked in return.

"Caroline and I were bonding," he said, rising. He sat on the armrest of her chair. "You going home? I can walk with you," he proposed.

"No need. You're going to make the trip longer."

"I could sleep at your place," he proposed.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she declined. "Where are you sleeping at, anyway?" she asked, genuinely curious.

"I promised your blond friend that I'd clean the bar with magic if he lets me crash there."

Bonnie frowned. "You don't have anywhere to go?"

"Josette still doesn't trust me," he sighed, "and it seems that _Hotel Salvatore_ is for intimate friends only."

"You really thought Damon would have let you stay?" she asked with a smile.

"Well, I wanted to stay near you but it seems you ran away too."

Bonnie looked down. "I didn't feel comfortable."

Kai shrugged and rose from the chair. "If you want company to walk home, my offer is still on the table."

Bonnie didn't answer and he headed to the front door. "Wait!" she stopped him. "I'll grab my jacket and we'll go."

On their way out, Damon's voice called out to them.

"Hey, Wizard of Oz! Where are you going with the Wicked Witch of the West?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes, but Kai smiled. "I always thought that the Wizard had an affair with the witches," he said, pleased. "I think I'm gonna write a fan fiction."

Bonnie smiled. "He's walking me home, Damon. Say hi to the others. See you tomorrow."

The vampire looked at them suspiciously but let them go. Kai waved him off as he closed the door behind them.

In the end, walking with Kai wasn't so bad. The hike was quite long and Bonnie had all the time to hear his repertory of bullshit.

"Have you ever been on YouPorn?" he asked. "When I was young you had to buy or steal some magazine and hide it under your mattres, but now all you have to do is click and you can watch all kind of perversions."

"Do I look like someone who goes on sites like YouPorn?" she asked rhetorically.

Kai smiled mischievous and Bonnie gave him a nudge.

"There's nothing wrong in it!" he reassured her. "You have the right to have fun, too."

Bonnie stopped, causing him to do the same. "We have to establish some rules. Every time we're together you can only talk when you have something serious to say."

"Serious like the war in Siria or is it ok if I just don't say profanities?"

Bonnie looked at him impatiently. "Just, don't be gross."

Kai took a few steps towards her. "So I can tell you that I love the way your nose is red from the cold?"

She looked away. "You can, but know that your flirting makes me uncomfortable."

She started to walk again. They were almost home and she couldn't wait to have a bath.

"Compliments make you uncomfortable?" he asked. "You know, my sexual life has been way more exciting than yours. And I've been in my prison world for almost two decades.

Bonnie glared at him.

"I wasn't gross," he defended himself.

They were quiet for a while, until Bonnie informed him she was home.

"I'll see you tomorrow, I guess," she said and she meant it.

Kai nodded. "See you tomorrow," he said. He bent to kiss her cheek, but Bonnie dodged.

"Bye" she said, smiling indulgently.

Kai turned to leave then turned back. "I'm sorry if I speak too much. I've got twenty years of conversations to catch up with, you know."

Bonnie nodded. She stared at his enormous smile, as enormous as his loneliness.

She bit her lip because she already knew that she was going to regret this. . "You want to come in to chatter a little more?".

Kai widened his eyes, surprised. "I would like to."

Bonnie signed. She went in and he followed. She showed him her couch and he sat down while she grabbed two Coke from her fridge.

"What did you do before you became a professional psychopath?" she asked from her kitchen.

"An amateur psychopath, I suppose," he said softly, but she was back with the Cokes and she heard him.

She gave him an icy look.

"Didn't you have friends?"

"Not out of my coven. And I wouldn't call those _friends_. Just like you shouldn't call the people that use you friends."

Bonnie snorted and kicked off her shoes to put her feet on the couch.

"My parents called me monster since I was five. That doesn't help to make friends. No mother would let her son play with a monster." He opened his can and took a sip. "This shit has the same addictive taste of twenty years ago."

"The world can't run without Coke," she concurred, raising her can for a toast before she took a sip. Kai did the same.

"Why didn't you leave instead of insisting on the merge? You could have had a normal life."

Kai seemed to actually think about it. "Because it was the only life I knew."

"You should have spared your siblings," she whispered.

Kai didn't answer. From his expression, Bonnie could tell he was remembering something. It was one of the few times he looked older.

She kept quiet, playing with her can, to give him time to think.

"By the time I realized it wasn't their fault, it was too late," he whispered.

Bonnie put her legs down to approach him then checked herself. "You were all victims of the absurd rules of your coven."

"Yeah," he agreed. "But now that I'm the leader a lot of things will change."

"Only you've been hiding in Mystic Falls from _months._"

"I'm not _hiding._ I'm courting you. I hope to go back to Portland with a companion that could help me with my people."

Bonnie looked at him like he had just got even more insane than he already was. "And you want me to be that person? I'm sorry but I don't plan on giving birth to _twelve_ babies."

"That would only happen if we don't get twins for the merge at the first try."

"Yeah, well, I'm not planning on making my children _merge_ either!"

"Okay," he gave up, raising his hands. "That wasn't an official proposal."

Bonnie rose, shaking her head. She took her shoes from the floor and took the empty can from his hands.

"I'm going to sleep," she said. "You can stay here for tonight," she conceded and Kai smiled, "but if you get close to my room…" She was interrupted by someone knocking at the door.

"I can go," Kai offered and she let him.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Damon's shocked question confirmed to her that letting Kai stay hadn't been the best idea.

"Oh, hey Damon. You already missed me?"

"What is he doing here?" he asked again, clearly to Bonnie and ignoring Kai.

Kai answered before Bonnie could open her mouth. "We were deciding how many children we will have. We thought we should start tonight."

Bonnie grasped his shirt and pulled him back. "I'm giving him hospitality for the night."

"Are you out of your mind?" Damon asked, stepping in. "You," he said to Kai, "get out of here."

Bonnie shut her door and leaned against it, she couldn't stand another fight between them. "I'm going to sleep. You can work this out between you two. Just… don't kill each other."

"What?" Damon asked. "How can you sleep with a psycho in the other room?"

"The same way I slept with a vampire in the other room."

"If he stays, I stay," he declared crossing his arms on his chest.

"_What_?" Bonnie shouted, turning back to look at him.

"You always have to be the third wheel, uh?" Kai asked.

"I'm not going to leave you here with him alone."

"If he wanted to kill me, he would have done so already," she pointed out. "This is my house and I can defend myself. Go back to Elena."

"Elena does not have a psychopath in her house."

"I'm a sociopath," Kai corrected him. "The psychosis was temporary."

No one answered him.

"Listen, Damon" Bonnie murmured, getting closer. "He doesn't have a place to go and I'm glad to have company – even if it's _his_."

"_I_can stay with you."

"No, you can't Damon," Bonnie sighed. "Kai's right. This is getting ridiculous. It's okay. You don't have to stay with me all the time. And you're ignoring Elena."

"I missed you," he whispered. "I don't want to lose you from my sight."

Bonnie smiled and hugged him, recognizing the familiar grip of his arms around her and his scent of aftershave and bourbon. She smiled when he rubbed his nose in her hair.

Kai embraced them both in a bear hug and Bonnie laughed while Damon cursed him and tried to set himself free. Kai hugged them harder.

"I missed you _so much!_" he cried, tucking his head between theirs.

"Okay!" Bonnie said shrinking away. "That's enough!"

They pulled apart.

"Let's do this," she proposed, "Kai stays, if he swears to behave himself, or I won't let him… _court_ me," she threatened.

Kai looked at her with resignation.

"Tomorrow morning you, Damon, can come by and check that _I_ didn't kill _him_."

Damon didn't seem much convinced, but he nodded and looked threatening at Kai, who smiled innocently.

"Text me, so I'm sure you're okay," he made her promise. "See you tomorrow morning." He bent and kissed her on her cheek before leaving.

"So," Kai asked after Damon left, "you sleep on the right side or the left?"

"It doesn't matter, because you're sleeping on the couch."

"There are at least two more rooms!" he protested.

"Too close to mine" she explained. "Good night," she said, smiling.

"Good night" Kai murmured, but before she left, he called her back. "Do I get a kiss on the cheek?"

"You've maxed out your limit of kisses for one day. We can talk about it tomorrow."

Kai tilted his head to one side. "Does this mean that I can kiss you again?" he asked, but Bonnie was already gone.

He leaned on the couch, feeling the softness. _All things considered,_he thought, _life in Mystic Falls isn't so bad._


End file.
